Mind is reeling

Okay, so ya'll are gonna have to bear with me today, I have a couple things to talk about. I haven't been able to post lately because my sleeping schedule has been so messed up (thank you Marine Corps), and everytime I think I'll have the chance to get on here and post I usually end up passed out on the couch. Just ask Copper, I woke up on the couch the other night using him as a pillow, obviously he didn't care but, whatever.

First, I've really just been trying to accept my past or whatever. Obviously there is one part of my past which I'd rather not track down and try to resolve, but the consequences of this part can be faced with time. However, I did message my ex-fiance on facebook the other day to give us both closure about our break-up and the rumors of cheating. Turns out that closure was good for both of us. I'm not resentful towards him anymore, and that got rid of some of my anger and bad juju. To just talk to him without slinging hateful words was a blessing. It doesn't do good to hold grudges. We found out the reasons of our break-up, on both sides, and I was able to tell him the truth. When we broke up I told him I had been cheating on him, as a way to get him to just let me go, well I never had done that and I really wanted him to know that. So, I get to talk to him if I feel like it and it not be so horrible.

Next, why is it that I'm the bad guy for wanting to not be picked on, to be treated like I'm loved, to not be told to shut up all the time, to be listened to? What's so hard about doing any of those things? Is it too much to ask? I guess so because I never get a break. The nicest thing I've gotten was he washed out my hair for me after I colored it because my back kills me if I bend over the sink. I mean I get that we have some money problems right now, but holy hell why take it out on me? Nothing else makes me want to just up and start walking my way home, I know the way, it's so annoying knowing that I can do anything and everything for him, but it's like I'm asking him to go to the moon with some simple things I ask of him. Which leads me to my next thing.

I'm guessing it's a bad thing to feel like I get more love and affection out of my pets, that I would rather surround myself with the company of my pets than that of humans. This is why I've decided that I shouldn't be a veterinarian or a vet tech. Because I apparently have a problem and am a borderline animal hoarder per someone's opinion. One more thing I am required to change about myself while nothing is reciporicated, go figure. At least with my pets I don't get told to shut up, I get kisses, I get cuddled up to, they depend on me and they love me, they give back all that I give to them, if not more.

“I strongly believe that love is the answer and that it can mend even the deepest unseen wounds. Love can heal, love can console, love can strengthen, and yes, love can make change.”
― Somaly Mam, The Road of Lost Innocence: The True Story of a Cambodian Heroine
 

"As Long as You Love Me"

Justin Bieber feat. Big Sean

As long as you love me [x3]

We're under pressure,
Seven billion people in the world trying to fit in
Keep it together,
Smile on your face even though your heart is frowning
But hey now, you know, girl,
We both know it's a cruel world
But I will take my chances

As long as you love me
We could be starving, we could be homeless, we could be broke
As long as you love me
I'll be your platinum, I'll be your silver, I'll be your gold
As long as you love, love, love, love me (love me)
As long as you love, love, love, love me (love me)

I'll be your soldier,
Fighting every second of the day for your dreams, girl
I'll be your Hova
You can be my Destiny's Child on the scene girl
So don't stress, don't cry, we don't need no wings to fly
Just take my hand

As long as you love me
We could be starving, we could be homeless, we could be broke
As long as you love me
I'll be your platinum, I'll be your silver, I'll be your gold
As long as you love, love, love, love me (love me)
As long as you love, love, love, love me (love me)

[Big Sean]
Yo, B-I-G
I don't know if this makes sense, but you're my hallelujah
Give me a time and place, and I'll rendezvous, and I'll fly you to it,
I'll beat you there
Girl you know I got you
Us, trust...
A couple of things I can't spell without 'U'
Now we are on top of the world, 'cause that's just how we do
Used to tell me, "Sky's the limit", now the sky's our point of view (view)
Man now we stepping out like, "Whoa" (Oh God)
Cameras point and shoot (shoot)
Ask me what's my best side, I stand back and point at you
You, you the one that I argue with, I feel like I need a new girl to be bothered with,
But the grass ain't always greener on the other side,
It's green where you water it
So I know we got issues baby true, true, true,
But I'd rather work on this with you
Than to go ahead and start with someone new
As long as you love me

As long as you love me (Love me yeah yeah yeah)
We could be starving, we could be homeless, we could be broke
As long as you love me
I'll be your platinum, I'll be your silver, I'll be your gold
As long as you love, love, love, love me
As long as you love, love, love, love me
As long as you love, love, love, love me (I'll be your silver, I'll be your gold)
As long as you love, love, love, love me
As long as you love, love, love, love me
As long as you love me